Sometimes I wonder how God can remain patient with us.  Even knowing we are sin-ridden creatures, my own thought processes continue to disappoint me.  I had the great privilege of attending the James River Assembly’s Women’s Rally last Friday night and got to hear Nancy Alcorn once again deliver a message full of compassion and hope.  Every word moved me, every passionate plea that came out of Nancy’s mouth inspired my soul to broaden my perspective and not be that person that judges.  I turned to the scripture that she was highlighting as a part of her message and read it along with her.  Matthew 7:1-2     “Judge not, that you not be judged.  For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”   Nancy went on to talk about the speck in our brother’s eye which we can’t even begin to help get out until we remove the plank in our own eye.   She makes you want to be a better person.  To really take a hard look at ourselves and see how we are filtering our own life before taking a poke at anybody else.

Then the most humbling thing happened.  One of those shameful moments that you almost hate to speak it out loud for fear of how others will view what you are sharing.  At the conclusion of Nancy’s message, she asked a friend of hers to come on stage and sing a song that she said was being released on an album she had recorded.  When the friend came on stage and started singing, I think I am safe in saying that not many in the room knew quite how to respond.  She was very tall and the music was not at all what I expected.  You could tell that she was trying so hard and was trying to appear comfortable as she paced back and forth on the stage delivering what was vocally a very good performance.  The only word I can think of to describe it, however, was awkward.  I didn’t know what to think.  Who was she, what was Nancy thinking to have her sing this song?  After being delivered to such great heights of introspection by Nancy herself, this felt like a very disappointing crescendo on what had been a truly remarkable evening.  As the song neared its conclusion (still beautifully sung) and Nancy joined her on stage, my mind still couldn’t help from questioning what the purpose of that had been.  Just a couple minutes later, Nancy stated that this girl (her name was Michelle, I think) had recently written a book about her life story and was connected to Nancy’s ministry, Mercy Ministries, somehow.  She said that ‘Michelle’ had more right to sing that song which was about being victorious than anybody she knew.  The moment those words came out of Nancy’s mouth, I immediately recognized my shameful error.  ‘Michelle’ had a beautiful voice and you could clearly tell that she took great joy in singing her praises to the Lord and claiming victory over whatever her past had held for her.  However, the only thing that I had focused on was how awkward it felt to see her up on that stage.  I simply wanted to cry.  Not five minutes before, I was “all in” to what Nancy was saying and even read the red text in my Bible clearly outlining Jesus’ own words about not judging people.   I wanted to go hide.

Needless to say, God got ahold of me and quietly spoke to my heart about his love for me and understanding our human (and sinful) need to distinguish our differences.  God also placed on my heart the idea that he sometimes “fixes” us just like you would a nail hole in sheet rock….one layer at a time.  First, he uses awareness to bring into the light the gaps that are present in our lives.  Like when he points out that I just formed an opinion about somebody before even looking into the circumstances that had created them.  Sometimes that is more gently done than others.  On Friday night, the awareness hit me so hard it made me feel ashamed and then I cried.  Yes, Lord, I heard you loud and clear.

Second, he then fills that hole with love and forgiveness.  He knows how our minds work and loves us anyway.  That has to be the most amazing thing in all of creation.  As I jump to conclusions, make hasty judgments and profile people, God gets in front of all that to let me know that doing that is not what he intends for me and I am to back up and take another look at those things using the Holy Spirit’s lense this time.  The change in perspective and the differences in how you feel will take your breath away.  The infrequent times I have been able to do this on my own are the most humbling and fulfilling experiences I have ever had.  Praise God for lending me the Holy Spirit.

Thirdly, he then covers the hole with compassion and acceptance.  How he is able to smooth over such raw emotion with feelings of mercy and tenderness never ceases to amaze me.  The peace that resides within my heart after he has touched it in this way is something I constantly crave.

Fourth, he then puts the finishing touches on the spiritual repair he just performed by refreshing my spirit with a soothing coat of “texture” which I know has been fashioned from love and grace.  I’m sure if you asked the girls who were at the Rally with me, none were aware all of this had taken place within me.  All of this happened in a flash and was over before I really even knew what had hit me.  And what I felt was thankful.  Thankful that God cares enough about me to keep it real with how I am viewing life.  Thankful that I was surrounded by great girlfriends who accept that it is not uncommon for all of that to be going on underneath the surface with me.

I can’t wait for the Designed For Life Women’s Conference taking place on September 27-29.  It’s going to be a fantastic event!