Author Archives: Tammy Johnson

Grandpa only said things one time

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I know I’ve mentioned before that my Grandfather was a very wise man.  I was talking once with my Uncle Roger about them spending time together and what a great listener Grandpa was.  We were both reminiscing and then laughed together because sometimes it was what Grandpa DIDN’T say that made you think the most about something.  I took every opportunity to pour my gullible young heart out to him always looking for him to help me make sense of all the tumultuous thoughts that plague an adolescent perspective.  And I can’t remember him ever telling me what exactly to do.  What I do remember is him always asking the simplest questions which were followed up by “what do you think you should do” and then he would help me work through that thought process.  Many times what I thought should be the solution was really just a way for me to talk through something that had no foothold in anything remotely resembling patient and kind.  My Grandpa had a way of drawing those things out of you without you even realizing what he was up to.

I can remember that feeling of anxiety when I had something very important to tell him…it was burning a hole in my heart but I had learned to hold onto that until the right moment presented itself.  I wanted his full attention and knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would always grant me that.  It’s funny because the thought never crossed my mind whether he would make time for me or be willing to listen to what was on my heart and mind.  I just always knew he would be there.

I also find it interesting that I had a much different relationship with our Grandmother.  I can remember some of the conversations with her and how hard I think she tried to understand where Tina and I were coming from.  In hindsight I think she struggled to keep an open mind about things and I don’t know if this stemmed from her own upbringing, losing a daughter (our mom) or maybe simply a generation gap between us although I never felt that way about our Grandfather.  What I do know is that where Grandma would jump in the middle of your situation and tell you exactly what she thought you should do and you knew it would go badly if you didn’t choose that route, Grandpa was the exact opposite.  I don’t know that I ever heard “I told you so” come out of his mouth.  I did hear him say “so how did that feel” once or twice but it always felt like there was love and concern behind that….like he didn’t want us to forget a certain feeling because it just might help us make better decisions going forward.

My husband has often asked me over our life together (26 years in January – 23 of those married) if I have anything in my past I would change.  While hindsight is definitely full of all kinds of insight, I always tell him that I wish I had handled a few things differently but wouldn’t necessarily change them.  I honestly feel that if I had changed even one thing, I may not be where I’m at today and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.  I think I’ve watched too many movies having to do with a person being given a chance to go back and relive or redo their past and they always regret that it changes where they are in the future (Mr. Destiny with Jim Belushi for example).  My Grandfather always told us that each of us should try and make the best decisions we can at the time using the information we have.  While it is up to us to be the best gatherers of information we can, he also told us stories of people who’s lives were filled with regret and second-guessing every area of their life until they were consumed with it.  Life held no other purpose for them except to reflect on all the mistakes that had been made along the way.  Out of all the things I learned from him, that was one of the life lessons I really took to heart.  I do not want that to be me.

So, when I find myself wanting to repeat things over and over to our children hoping that maybe if I say it differently (or louder) than I did before it will increase the chance they will hear me this time, I remember my Grandfather’s wisdom of dropping those simple words of thought-provoking questions and remain quiet trusting that we have pretty smart kids who will probably end up figuring things out on their own kind of like we did.

It’s a small, small world

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In one of my very rare moments of actually doing online research trying to find some articles of interest to share at work, I ended up on the third page of Google after typing in “solution oriented” or something to that effect.  Imagine my surprise when after landing on the 3rd page down on Google and clicking through two more layers in an article, I arrived at Solution Focused Counseling featuring Stephanie Johnson out of Australia.  I found the information included on her website very intriguing and have included some of it below.  As I continued reading, I was almost in shock as I found, at the bottom of one of her pages, the information that she is a supporter of the A21 Campaign which was founded by one of my most favorite Christian “Satan-butt-kicking Chicks” (her words, not mine) Christine Caine.  Yep, couldn’t believe my eyes that one of her videos is actually included at the bottom of one of Stephanie’s pages.  What are the chances that someone like me who absolutely avoids doing any kind of online research would land on a website located 5-6 pages deep that included the very person who’s sex-trafficking campaign I have followed for the past 3-4 years???  All I know is that God can always manage to lead us to stuff even when we have no idea what is up.  I’m contemplating the idea of sending both Stephanie and Christine a note asking each of them if they know each other.  I would bet that they do and if not, I think it might be time they introduce themselves.

I hope you enjoy Stephanie’s Solution Focused Counseling as much as I have:

What is Solution Focused Counselling?

Solution focused counselling focuses on solutions rather than the problems themselves. As such it highlights people’s strengths and competences instead of their perceived deficits, weaknesses and limitations.

This shift in paradigm is dramatically different from previous counselling techniques that concentrated on identifying problems and trying to explain their origins. Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg were the founders of solution focused therapy in the 1980′s both were based in USA. Sadly both have pass away  recently.

There are several assumptions that provide the framework of solution focused counselling.

  • All people have strengths and inner resources to solve life’s challenges.
  • “Change is one of life’s constants”. Not only is change possible it is always happening.
  • The counsellor’s role in the therapy session is to help each client identify the change that is occurring and to help them increase that level of change.
  • We do not need to know what caused a problem to be able to solve it.
  • Change begins with small steps
  • The client is the expert in their life.
  • The person is not the problem, the problem is the problem
  • If its not working, do something different

What are the benefits and potential risks of Solution Focused Counselling? The primary benefit of solution focused counselling is that the client finds solutions to their problems. This can result in a reduction in the symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression and interpersonal relationships may improve. Another benefit of solution focused counselling is that the client and counsellor identify clear goals at the start. As a result of this the client and counsellor will both know what success looks like and therefore can easily identify when counselling is no longer required.

This is the information on Stephanie’s site regarding A21:

Solutionfocusedcounselling.com supports The A21 Campaign, freeing women and children from  abuse and oppression. Can you join me?

“When confronted with the statistics, the issue of human trafficking can be overwhelming to say the least. It’s true… “someone SHOULD do something,” so we have decided to take responsibility and put our hand up… if for no other reason than just because we have a hand to raise and a heart that’s willing to make a difference. We have decided to become that “someone.” This is why we created The A21 Campaign. We can ALL play a part in fighting injustice… it is the only way we can win.

The A21 Campaign stands for abolishing injustice in the 21st century. Anyone can join – everyone can make a difference. To find out how you can join the fight for justice click on the video below or go to the website, www.thea21campaign.org

Click to play video

After I got over having goosebumps over this completely random find on my part, I took a minute to praise God for always knowing which direction to keep us pointed.  It really is a small world.

Strength more abundantly

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I think if you asked people who know me, they would say that I’ve always been an independent thinker.  My sister used to tell me that I never seemed to have any issue with expressing my opinion, even to our Grandparents.  I told her that at some point I just realized that instead of seeking their approval (especially my Grandmother’s) I had to start being okay with thinking or doing things that she may not have agreed with at the time.  I had always prayed for God to help me keep a good moral center and as long as my conscience didn’t start screaming at me whenever I did something, I knew I was probably on the right path.  Many years ago, I even had an owner I worked for ask me if there was anything out there that I didn’t have an opinion on.  I told him that I didn’t think so which made him bust out laughing.  He knew that if he asked me how I felt about something, I was probably going to tell him what I thought.  What I have gotten better at is hopefully framing up what I’m saying so it doesn’t sound quite so shocking sometimes.

Over ten years ago, while working for Carlson Managed Hotels, they held a GM Conference and a portion of that meeting was allocated to a book called Now, Discover Your Strengths written by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton.  This was a revolutionary book for me and has been a significant part of the tools I use when building teams within any management role I have served in.  It focuses on identifying a person’s top 5 strengths and basically says that we are all hard-wired a certain way and that we should spend our time increasing our aptitudes in those areas instead of trying to work on things we are never going to be good at.  When sharing these with the team I work with at Branson Tourism Center, I told them that taking the time to understand how people communicate and process information is well worth it when you are trying to connect their efforts towards a common goal.  My profile includes Strength themes such as Arranger, Individualization, Relator, Maximizer and Responsibility.  What this means in a nutshell is that I thrive in chaos, love every quirky aspect of each person I come in contact with, will talk your leg off if you’ll let me (because it’s important to me that you understand all the various components!), will work until I drop and have no more to give and I take ownership of all of that without batting an eye.  The first time I took the StrengthsFinder survey, I was amazed at how accurately some of these themes described me.  As I have watched roughly 70-80 people go through this survey, I can honestly say that there have been as many lessons for me as for them in watching them grow as leaders.  The moment that these things finally click and they realize that they really do “own” their own success is life-changing!  And it’s so funny because it is never the things they think it’s going to be that distinguishes them from everybody else.  Being willing to serve others is truly the key to great leadership.

I found myself sharing the following sentiment with our Manager team:  “I openly admit that I have control issues.  Because I am determined that no one is going to steal my joy!”  You could see the words almost hang in the air as the Managers tried to decide if they really had control over that.  I assured them that they most certainly do.  I was talking to my sister a few weeks ago and she always has such wise words for me that oftentimes apply to whatever is going on.  She commented that we cannot allow our circumstances to influence the joy that we find in life.  We are in charge of our own joy.  Finding joy even in the midst of chaos is where our own emotions leave off and our love for Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father picks up.  And that is a discipline that we can only fine-tune if we remain focused on Him.

I had a conversation with someone this past week that included dialogue about spending time with things that influence us.  I interact with alot of people on a daily and weekly basis and it never ceases to amaze me that people who spend time focused on things that are such a negative influence in their life (gossip/drama, partying, etc.) allow those very things to steer them away from the things that they always said they wanted.  Then they wake up one day and wonder how they got to the spot where nothing in life seems to be enough to fill the void that they feel every day.  You have to wonder if their life has a motive?  Do they recognize their own lack of purpose?

Even when things are at their craziest, all I have to do is reach a little deeper inside myself and find the joy that resides in my heart.  I am so grateful that it never leaves me and I cherish it and know where it comes from.  As it is written in Romans 5:1-5, we have been justified by faith, and our peace is provided through our Lord Jesus Christ and we should rejoice in our difficult times since those produce perseverance; perseverance produces character and character produces hope.  And as stated in Romans 15:13, God’s desire is to fill us with the joy and peace of believing and that through the power of the Holy Spirit we can have an abundance of hope.  His desire is for us to have a better life than we could have ever dreamed of.  John 10:10 refers to Jesus being the shepherd to the sheep and that his desire is for us to have an abundant life.  So I pray for an abundance of joy, discernment, health, wisdom, and of course, patience and kindness.

Where I came from

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Over the years, I have witnessed varying degrees of people who are phenomenally talented and have SO much potential who end up getting sidetracked one way or another from their intended purpose in life.  Many times this is a result of personal circumstances (life just won’t give them a break) or sometimes it is the result of ego or a slanted perspective getting in the way.  Have you ever met that person who viewed life through a lense that was “what’s in it for me?”  Me too.

I hope nobody misunderstands….we all struggle with ego.  We want to make a difference, we want to be held in high regard, we want to be noticed.  I’m particularly talking about those times when we purposely position ourselves above those around us.  In addition to trying to determine the best way for us to be recognized, we make comments or do things that reflect badly on those around us so that we appear greater or better in comparison.  We’ve all done it….me too.

One thing I’ve always been since I was very little was a good observer.  Just ask my sister.  I told her that I often avoided some of life’s misguided missteps simply by sitting back and watching her navigate things first.  Tina, I watched way closer than you ever wanted but learned way more than you could have ever hoped for.  You’re my hero.  :^)

I started working before child labor laws really took effect, somewhere around the age of 11, and my first job was working at a small motel where I cleaned rooms for $3.35 per hour.  My personal goal each summer was to put $1,000 in my savings account and whatever was left over was mine to spend.  I paid $3.00 per day for the opportunity to carpool with my Grandmother and some of her friends who also worked in the same vicinity I did and I don’t remember Grandma ever letting me slide by not paying my fair share.  And I was so thankful to have the opportunity to ride along and work and earn my own money that I don’t remember ever grumbling about that or thinking that I was entitled to that ride.  Even when my Grandmother drove.

The pride that I took in my job ran pretty deep.  Tina and I both have our Grandparents to thank for that…they were both hard workers and humble about what they had.  And we didn’t have overly much.  We started out cleaning rooms and we went to work every day during the summer and vowed to do the best job we could on each day.  Oh sure, we entertained ourselves along the way to make the day go faster (those stories I’ll save for another day) but our focus was to produce the cleanest rooms we possibly could for the paying guests of the place where we worked.  When we dipped ice cream for the summer, we served lots of customers, tried to never leave sidework for the next shift and worked hard at doing it with a smile.  That was much easier for Tina than me.  I was always the more direct, less tactful side of the equation if things hit me wrong.  I know, I know….hard to believe.

I can remember watching history of the Bible shows that featured individuals like David slaying Goliath and Moses leading the people out of Egypt and Sampson being enamored with Delilah.  I can also remember praying and wishing my entire life for God to give me wisdom (like he did with Solomon) and health rather than anything else.  Yes, anything else.  I asked to be content if I had enough money to pay the bills and to be patient if that was ever a struggle somewhere along the way.  I didn’t need lots of money or things, my one and only desire was that God would not ever allow me to forget where I came from.  In my whispered prayers to him, I have always asked for discernment and to allow me to have more time with my husband and children than what my mother did with Tina and me.  Probably not a fair request but it didn’t stop me from making it.  That struck the balance between being bold as I approached the throne and attempting to leave it up to God to determine what was best for me and those around me.  And I still ask for that today.

As I’ve gotten older and have been so blessed along the way I continue to ask God to please not ever let me forget where I came from.  Don’t let me ever forget the satisfied feeling I always had when I sat on our sofa by our grandfather.  He had a way of projecting contentment, I don’t know how he did that exactly but I was always at peace when I was with him.  I don’t want to ever forget the feeling I had when I fully realized just how much our Grandparents had given up in their lives to raise Tina and I.  I have never forgotten that humbling feeling you get on your first day at a new job or the amazing feeling of knowing I had worked hard and received that very first paycheck.  I remember the painful lessons of saying things out of hurt and anger and knowing I could never get those words back.  Those words changed some of those relationships for the rest of my life.  I also remember the feeling of doing small acts of unexpected kindness for someone and the warmth that generated for my soul.  I love watching someone’s reaction when they know they have done something to hurt you and you respond by being kind.  Or when the Holy Spirit provides wise feedback for you to convey to your children (because you’re about ready to run screaming from the room).  The look of understanding and acceptance on their faces when they realize that your love really is unconditional and that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are amazing and that your life experiences are their’s to learn from.

I don’t ever want to forget where I came from.  My sister shared a video with me by Louie Giglio – Indescribable and it is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen or heard.  If you haven’t heard Louie Giglio’s series, you need to watch them as soon as possible.  Whether you are a believer in God or not, the science behind his messages is mind-blowing.  I was spending the afternoon with Donna, my hairdresser at Main Street Salon, and she was sharing that Louie had a second video called How Great is Our God and I watched that too!  I didn’t think I could be more blown away than what I was on Indescribable but I was wrong.  I’m not going to give away the points in there that are irrefutable and the commonalities that, if you’re not a believer, will make you question what took you so long to hear this.  I actually went and bought his entire video series and can’t wait to watch the whole thing.  He is a science-geek and the way he frames up the information from a scientific perspective helps close that gap between feeling like we have to choose between believing that God is our creator and that life was created from a big bang that didn’t somehow involve divine intervention.

I don’t ever want to forget that I belong to God.  I don’t want to ever take my eye off the fact that he has me here for a purpose, that I was created to serve him and to help others to get to know him.  That I will remain focused on the things that have eternal meaning and not so much on the rest of the “stuff”.  That God will continue to keep his steady hand on me and remind me daily to be Patient and Kind.

Can you say WOW???

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How do you describe a season in your life when everything that is being placed before you has a common theme?  How do you explain it when it seems like you have some type of intuitive wisdom being breathed into your spiritual ear?  I can tell you that anything insightful, even remotely wise or forward-thinking has way less to do with my life experiences and more to do with me constantly asking God to keep me focused on the things that have eternal meaning.  I am humbled daily by the blessings he has granted me and try to wait in anticipation of what is around the next corner.

Back in February of this year, I did alot of research (unusual for me!) on a new desk for my office.  Long story short, I looked at hundreds of desks online until I found the perfect one that would fit in my office.  So I ordered it.  Simple, right?  Yeah, right up to the time that I found out it was “imported” and that it was delayed 5, yes 5, times before it finally shipped and I received it in July.  So at the busiest time possible in my job, I took delivery of my new desk and decided it was time to clean and organize my office.  I will mention that I had been feeling challenged with juggling alot of projects in the air and had almost decided that my life was meant to be chaotic this year.  As I called upon a few years of experience at realigning my own world and I waded through all the “stuff” currently on my plate, I asked myself if my world was crazy, who’s in charge of that?  If things were spinning out of control and I was struggling to get my legs beneath me, who controlled that?  Well, the answer was me.

I took a giant step back and assumed a high-level view of what I had on my plate, what areas I really needed to be involved in and what things I could shift to other, very capable Managers and started making a list.  I also thought about what dots could be connected for our company that would provide the biggest return for our customers and whether we were leveraging all of our resources towards helping our customers in the most ways possible.  What I soon realized was that by taking a deep breath and steadying myself in the fast-moving rapids of never-ending deadlines, problem solving and everyday issues I had enabled myself to gain some perspective that only a couple weeks before had been missing.  Had my work load changed?  Not really.  Had the deadlines moved?  Nope.  Was there fewer issues to deal with?  Not by a long shot.  However, the manner in which I approached those things had shifted.  I had prayed for God to provide wisdom and direction and to help me become “less busy” and to work smarter not harder and somehow that perspective had been gifted to me over a period of 10-14 days.

On the heels of that tremendous adjustment to how I had been approaching my job, I had been invited to attend a seminar at which Chester Elton, affectionately referred to as the Apostle of Appreciation, was going to speak.  He has co-written The Carrot Principle, The Orange Revolution and his newest book All In and if you have never heard him speak OR read one of his books, I would encourage you to do so.  It was one of the MOST amazing days I have spent at a seminar EVER!  Lots of down to earth ways to connect with people, both professionally and personally, artfully illustrated with stories, videos and resources that can be easily applied straight out of the gate.  And boy was I excited to share all I had learned that day!  I warned everybody that I might be a little hard to take for awhile. 

Then immediately following the seminar by Chester Elton, our church that I love with all my heart James River Assembly hosts a women’s conference each year Designed for Life and I attended a 3-day event there.  Priscilla Shirer, Dianne Wilson, Christine Caine and our own beloved Debbie Lindell all spoke at the conference and, as usual, it was LIFE-CHANGING!  And talk about layering over the top on the very things I had just spent the last couple of months reviewing and managing….everything just helped me gain even better footing in those rapids I was describing earlier and really solidified in my mind that I was on the right path and spending time on the things I was supposed to.  You know how sometimes we ask God if we are really committed to the things we’re supposed to be?  Well, I’ve had those moments too and this wasn’t one of them.  I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing and where.

So, because I know I’m going to be a little hard to put up with over the next few months as I try and put in words all the things I have running around in my head, I’ll apologize now and get it over with.  And if you want to hear a truly remarkable story about a life that has been transformed, do some research on Brian “Head” Welch, former member of the heavy-metal band Korn.  His new website can be found by clicking here.

More to come!!!

Don’t ever forget……….

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I don’t ever want to forget that this is why we are here and to remember what was done for us to provide the possibility of spending eternity in heaven with our heavenly father.  I love this song and found this video which is so moving and meaningful.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sza4rh1YzsM

Selah – You Raise Me Up Lyrics

When I am down, and oh my soul, so weary. When troubles come, and my heart burdened be. Then I am still and wait here in the silence. Until You come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be. You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be.

There is no life no life without its hunger. Each restless heart beats so imperfectly. But when you come and I am filled with wonder. Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be. You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be.

Communication on Communication

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I found this article and thought it had some great tips….some can be used professionally AND personally.  Susan Young is managing editor of Ragan’s HR Communication, where this story first appeared.

Strong and effective communication skills are critical to your business success.  Here are 99 nuggets on business communication, networking, interviews, and social media that you can use to supercharge your department and career.

1. Believe body language. It doesn’t lie.

2. Remember that every statement or comment doesn’t require a response.

3. Choose your words carefully.

4. Speak and write with clarity.

5. Read whenever possible; it expands your vocabulary.

6. Be aware of your speech patterns and habits, including inflection, pacing, and tone of voice.

7. Avoid interrupting people. We’re adults. One voice at a time.

8. Keep slang at home.

9. Stay away from “empty” words such as “Frankly,” “Really,” and “Actually.”

10. Prepare an outline when speaking at meetings and presentations.

11. Focus conversations on other people, not yourself.

12. Weave names into conversations. Everyone’s favorite word is their own name.

13. Use dark backgrounds and light colored fonts for PowerPoint slides.

14. Insert silence and pauses into your speeches and conversations. They are more powerful than words.

15. Diffuse conflicts without technology. Plan a face-to-face meeting or a phone call to resolve issues amicably and quickly.

16. Develop the fine art of charisma. Don’t be a “crap magnet.”

17. Write to express, not to impress.

18. Engage your listener, reader, and audience with material that is clear, concise, and compelling.

19. Ask good questions and you’ll get good information.

20. Listen with your mouth closed.

21.  Use the “P-R-R” method when answering questions: Pause, Reflect, Respond.

22. Greet the janitor and the CEO of the company in the exact same way.

23. Smile and use eye contact. It’s the universal language.

24. Know when to speak up and know when to shut up.

25. Follow the 5 Ps: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance (public speaking).

26. Respond to controversial or off-color comments with this phrase: “Isn’t that interesting?” Then smile. It’s a neutral statement and dead-ends virtually all conversations. In a pleasant way, of course.

27. Improve your communication skills by observing positive role models you admire and respect.

28. Show value when reciting your “elevator speech.” Focus on the results you get for others, not your job title.

29. Speak from the heart.

30. Follow a written agenda in meetings to save time and stay on task.

31. Make all important phone calls before noon.

32. Ask the question. Then be quiet.

33. Walk the walk and talk the talk. Be congruent.

34. Stay away from industry jargon and rhetoric that can confuse people.

35. Identify where your target audience hangs out and go there (this is true for bricks-and-mortar as well as social media)

36. Avoid writing emails and making phone calls when you’re angry or frustrated.

37. Write your blogs consistently so people can gain insight into your expertise, experiences, and personality.

38. Learn Emotional Intelligence (empathy, self-awareness, and teamwork) to improve your communication skills.

39. Understand the importance of self-promotion and personal branding.

40. Walk into a room tall, strong, and proud.

41. Look for similarities, not differences. This bridges communication gaps.

42. Listen to what is not being said.

43. Avoid criticizing, complaining, and judging.

44. Record yourself on audio or video to hear and see how you move and behave.

45. Answer the phone standing up and smiling.

46. Look in the mirror before you go into a meeting.

47. Give all of your attention to the person who is speaking. Avoid distractions and “darting eyes.”

48. Turn off your technology at professional business meetings and events.

49. Avoid excessive and distracting clothing patterns, jewelry, make-up, and accessories —especially when you are the speaker, TV guest, or recording a video for your intranet.

50. Be relevant and memorable.

51. Use gestures to empasize your spoken words.

52. Follow the leader. If he speaks fast, you speak fast. If he is slow, you should be slow.

53. Connect with people by being authentic and genuine.

54. Stay on message.

55. Dress like the person you aspire to be.

56. Build rapport with people.

57. Keep your jacket open. A closed jacket sends a nonverbal sign that you may be hiding something.

58. Have a good handshake. Practice with someone you trust and get their feedback.

59. Thank someone when they offer a compliment (don’t argue!)

60. Save political, religious, sex, and other controversial jokes or stories for outside of your professional circles.

61. Respect the personal space of others.

62. Avoid planning your answer in your head when someone is speaking. Pay close attention to what they are saying and then respond.

63. Write with bullet points and white space so your information is “reader-friendly.”

64. Have a powerful opening and closing in your presentations, speeches, articles, and blog posts.

65. Highlight benefits, not features, when building consensus for new projects and ideas.

66. Create punchy, engaging, and helpful videos that are 1-3 minutes in length.

67. Write tweets of less than 125 characters; leaving space for people to retweet and spread your message.

68. Connect with human emotions by using real-life examples and sharing stories.

69. Avoid keeping your reading glasses on and “looking down your nose” when speaking to others.

70. Emphasize important words or phrases by lowering or raising your voice, or slowing down.

71. Exude positive energy in both your written and spoken words.

72. Understand the importance of making small talk.

73. Avoid biting your lip and inside cheek when speaking to someone. These signal anxiety or nervousness.

74. Project your voice with authority.

75. Use smiles as positive reinforcements.

76. Express gratitude.

77. Re-read, and if necessary, rewrite everything before you send it, speak it, or share it.

78. Maintain eye contact, but not at a level that can make someone feel uncomfortable.

79. Keep your palms open when asking questions. This indicates you are open-minded and welcoming.

80. Recognize when it’s appropriate to use a “social hug” to greet someone.

81. Avoid the word “stuff.” It’s vague and unprofessional. Be specific.

82. Write an article for your ezine or newsletter that includes interesting quotes and statistics.

83. Drink alcohol on your personal time.

84. Steer conversations to positive topics.

85. Dress appropriately for videos and TV interviews by asking about background colors, lighting, and set design.

86. Have a mission or value statement that has repeatability so others can communicate it for you.

87. Use your body language to your advantage when delivering a speech. Don’t hide behind the podium.

88. Watch for cultural differences in communication styles.

89. Remember that enthusiasm is contagious.

90. Point your feet away from someone if you want to leave the conversation.

91. Respond to comments on your blog or website so it’s interactive and engaging.

92. Leave your personal life outside of business conversations.

93. Show respect and spare people’s feelings. Don’t blame or insult anyone.

94. Delete the word “just” from your vocabulary. It’s belittling. You’re not “just an accountant” or “just a recruiter.” You are an accountant. You are a recruiter. Be proud.

95. Stop over-apologizing. You’re not responsible for the poor service, rain, or world peace.

96. Resist the temptation to finish other people’s sentences.

97. Open your eyes, ears, and heart to new messages and people.

98. Be the fountain, not the drain.

99. Stand up if everyone around is standing and sit down if everyone is seated. Be on a level playing field.

Reasonableness

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My sister, Tina, recently read the story I added a few weeks ago about some of the adventures her and I shared when we were growing up.  And no, I don’t know how thrilled she was that “Orvan” got an honorable mention so I promise never to say his name again.  (orvan, orvan, orvan, orvan….ok, now I’m done).  However, just to show her that I am a good sport, she asked why I hadn’t told about the time that Grandpa rescued me on the tractor.  Well, Teen, humiliation might be the big reason.  Or maybe that the neighborhood party-line never saw a busier day (kids, we’ll have to explain that a party-line is where mutliple families shared the same phone line – archaic, I know but true).  So we’ll go back to that wintry day on Old Lowery Road which is where we grew up out in the boonies in Arkansas.

I may have mentioned that Grandpa and Grandma, who raised us, decided to move way out into the hills between Omaha and Lead Hill, Arkansas.  It was absolutely beautiful, but pretty remote.  If you read the sledding story in “Really?” you will know that there were some pretty wicked hills that made up Stonington Road which was paved at the time.  And if you can imagine that we lived on a bumpy old farm road that had creeks that you had to drive through (Big Cedar you don’t have anything on Old Lowery) and one lane bridges made up of railroad ties which got us across Brushy Creek.  It was also equally as trecherous in the winter time when it snowed.  Some of the hills you would creep all the way down to the bottom only to have to scale an equally steep hill on the other side, so trying to get out of there even in a 4-wheel drive took some skill.  Neither of which I had….4-wheel drive or skill at that point.

I was on the basketball team in high school and was so thankful to be on that team.  My husband, Steve, always kids me and says that it had to include 5 or 6 grades AND be co-ed or we wouldn’t have had enough players.  Almost, honey, but not quite.  I am thankful for having been on that team because it gave me something to be a part of, something to work hard at and strive to be better.  And no, I was not very good.  If I had gone to a bigger school with a larger selection of players, I probably wouldn’t have made the team.  But I didn’t know that at the time and took great pride in the fact that the team I was a part of did win our district tournament and went to the state competition a couple of times while I was a part of the team.  Again, not due to my efforts but a result of some truly talented girls who worked hard every day to be tremendous athletes and make their school and families proud.

I did hate to miss basketball practice.  It was more of a social event than me really being focused on improving my skill level.  And yes, I’m openly admitting that.  Not that I didn’t work hard and tried to contribute to the team, because I did.  You can just look back sometimes as an adult and realize that if you had given a little bit more, you could have accomplished so much more.  That’s how I feel about my basketball days.  So that brings us back to a cold, wintry day on Old Lowery Road.  It had snowed a week or so before and Grandpa had refused to try and make it to town because of the bad roads.  Good call, Gramps. We didn’t have a 4-wheel drive but Grandpa had truckfuls of skill so I was confident he could have made it out if he had been so inclined.  They knew the storm was coming and had stocked up on supplies so they wouldn’t have to go to town anytime soon.  I found out that although school was canceled, they were having an optional basketball practice.  And I was determined to go.

I must have moaned and whined and badgered my Grandfather until he finally determined that I wasn’t going to stop until I got to go.  We had two ways out of where we lived, Stonington – which is where the really big hills are that I wrote about in “Really?” and Old Lowery Road which had equally big hills but was all gravel.  Grandpa told me that I would never make it out on Stonington.  And that if he had to guess, what would happen was that I would try to get out on Old Lowery and would get stuck between the first two hills that I came to.  But, he wasn’t going to try and stop me anymore.  I drove a red, older model 2-wheel drive AMC Hornet and I loved that car.  I had purchased it from my great-grandmother for $800 and had paid for 100% of it myself.  I also paid for the insurance, tires, maintenance and anything else it needed.  I loaded something heavy in the back, concrete blocks I think, to help put some weight on the back end and down the driveway I went.  I can remember Grandpa’s parting words, “If you get to the bottom of the hill and can’t make it back up the other side, just honk your horn and I’ll come get  you.”  No way that was going to happen.

There was alot of snow on the road and I could hear it scraping underneath my car in some places.  I got to the top of the first big hill, about half a mile from our house, and creeped slowly down the curvy, steep incline.  When I got to the bottom and rounded the corner to go over the first of three old wooden bridges, I picked up speed so I would have enough momentum to get me up the next hill.  Yeah, right.  On my first try, I made it about a third of the way up the hill before I started spinning.  I carefully backed down and tried again, this time making it about half way up.  Did I mention old farm road on the side of a really big hill?  There was a drop-off on one side and a big ditch on the other so I didn’t have much wiggle room.  After about the 7th or 8th try, I realized I was never going to make it up that hill.  And as much as I hated to do it, I honked that stupid, pathetic sounding horn.  Then put my head on the steering wheel with my heart pounding and just waited for Grandpa to arrive.  I rehearsed what I would say to him when he got there.  “You were right about that hill, Grandpa.  I am so grateful that you thought to tell me about signaling you when I was unable to make it up.  Thank you for coming to get me.”  I kept practicing so the words would stop getting lodged in my throat every time I went to say them.

After about 20 minutes, I heard a low rumble and several voices.  I can remember thinking that it was a fine time for any of the neighbors to take a walk but figured they were probably just checking out the road conditions.  And I didn’t want them to see me.  Grandpa had placed a blanket in my car “just in case” so I pulled that over the top of me hoping that it would cover me up and nobody would see me.  As the rumbling and voices got closer, I peeked out a couple times to see what was going on and couldn’t believe my eyes when there was Grandpa on our farm tractor and no less than a dozen of our neighbors walking beside him.  What an incredible joke that they would all be out taking a walk just when Grandpa was coming to retrieve me.  And there was no way I could hide any longer.  I got out of my car and walked over to the tractor to thank my Grandpa and noticed that he was trying not to smile.  He was a man of few words so when I mumbled my thank-you and what a coincidence it was that all these people were taking a walk at the same time, he said “your grandmother called all the neighbors to come with me in case you needed more help getting back home.”  Are you kidding me!!! I wanted to dig a hole and crawl in.  Then he told me that he was going to push me back up the first hill I just came down with the tractor.  He didn’t want to leave my car there as they hadn’t come to plow the road yet (we were always the last one on the list) and didn’t want the county plow to hit my car.  So I heaved a big sigh and got back in my car gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead.  NO way I was going to make eye contact with any of our neighbors.  As he slowly pushed me back up that stupid hill, they stood on the side of the road and clapped. And laughed.  And clapped!  And laughed! I was mortified.  Yes, we made it home safely and I can remember Grandpa not ever saying one “I told you so”, never scolding me, not one harsh word.  He knew it was important to me for me to at least try and was only focused on keeping me safe and providing me with an exit plan in case things didn’t work out.  And I can honestly say that I never second-guessed his wisdom on road conditions ever again.

I can only hope that God provides me with the same type of wisdom when dealing with similar situations with our own children.  I can’t promise that I’ll never say “I told you so” but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to give them the room to make their own decisions and will hopefully be there with my own tractor and a blanket as they try and scale their own snow-covered hills.  I love our children enough to allow them to learn some of life’s most important lessons in the ways that were most meaningful to me.  Even with the sound of that laughter, and clapping, echoing in my ears.

The Indian Story

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One of the most challenging things I’ve tried to wrap my mind around over the years has been the fundamental principal of the whole “being saved” thing.  Our 3-dimensional brains cannot begin to comprehend things beyond a certain point so what information we can’t process we tend to dismiss or deny.  The really big thinkers, the scientific patent-writing life-altering inventors, the master innovators of all time have probably had the mental aptitude to understand some of these more cosmic, spiritual things but many times veer off the path of truly big God-size breakthroughs because of their inability to believe that at the end of things there is such an uncondiitonal love just waiting for them…..all they have to do is ask for it.  Somehow, that’s just way too simple.

I am an avid reader, these days I mostly enjoy material that makes me think about where my life is going, am I striving to be a better person, what things should I be incorporating into who I am growing into so that God’s influence is reflected in my life (but I don’t want to be preachy either).  I have seen more people steer clear of Christianity because they had someone “preachy” just talking at them all the time or trying to convict them about right vs. wrong, heaven vs. hell, church vs. no church, etc. etc.  That is the biggest turn-off ever, in my opinion.  Nothing about how Jesus conducted himself lends merit to anybody acting that way.  Of course, that gets us back to the matter of what is that Jesus thing all about anyway?

One of the best stories I’ve ever heard helped me understand the reasons behind why Jesus was sent to us.  First, we have to agree upon some simple truths like there are laws that govern the earth and the universe.  Not written laws but scientific laws, the law of gravity, physical body laws (for example how our bodies are made) and sometimes even unforeseen consequences stemming from “every action has an equal and opposite reaction”.  When thinking about the possibility of God laying down all of the earthly, heavenly and scientific laws and how mind-blowing all of that is, again our feeble brains try to comprehend how all of that might work and why.

On my way to work one day several years ago, I was listening to the Wind FM (88.3 here in southwest Missouri) and heard the following story which I am probably going to paraphrase alot so please bear with me.  There was an Indian village where an entire tribe lived.  At some point in time, several of the families started reporting that things were missing from their huts.  This went on for some time and seemed to be getting worse with nobody being able to figure out who might be stealing things from the other families.  Finally, after a period of time, the Indian Chief called a meeting of the entire tribe and announced that everyone should be on the lookout for the “thief” and when they were found, they would be whipped within an inch of their lives.  His hope was that this announced punishment or consequence would deter anybody from stealing. Several days later, some of the highest members in the tribe came to the great Chief to let him know that they had caught the person responsible for stealing from the other families.  The Chief commanded them to go and tie the thief to a pole in the center of the village and he would be there shortly to deliver the punishment.  Several of the tribe members looked at the Chief and asked if he were sure that this is something he wanted to do.  The Chief stated that everyone was very clear on what would happen if they were caught stealing and he had no choice but to follow through with the punishment.  When the Chief arrived at the center of the village, no words could describe his shock when he saw that tied to the pole waiting for her punishment was his own stooped, beloved mother.  Unable to gain his composure at such a heart-wrenching discovery, he brokenly announced the same punishment be carried out.  However, he walked quietly over to the pole, gently untied his mother and asked that he be allowed to take her place instead.  The Indian Chief received the whipping that was intended for his mother and he did this in order to fulfill the law that had been decreed as the consequence for her blatant crime.

The same as God clearly stated that death and eternal separation from him would be the consequence if Adam and Eve partook of the fruit from the Tree of Life.  I don’t think that God did this to “hold them back” or keep them from having something that was really great, he knew in his infinite wisdom that their minds were not capable of processing all of the knowledge that came with eating that fruit.  As a loving father, he had warned them about the tree, the one and only thing that he had withheld from them because he knew that the effects of eating that fruit would be a self-awareness (on all levels) that they were not ready for. And he gave them a consequence of what would happen if they disobeyed him.  Very similar to raising our own children.  Children thrive when there are guidelines, when things are put in place to keep them safe and feeling loved.  And when they are disobedient, they should understand and expect consequences.

And even when presented with the fact that Adam and Eve had disobeyed him and eaten from the tree, God loved them and all of mankind so much that he found a way to not only follow through on the consequence of that one huge moment of disobedience but to ensure that we had a way to return to a relationship with him, one very similar to those first days when Adam and Eve walked with him in the Garden of Eden.  He sent Jesus Christ, his very own spirit contained in a man’s body, to be punished in our place.  He knew that Jesus would be offered up as the one to take the punishment originally intended for all of mankind yet rather than rush right to that after Jesus was born to Mary, God allowed Jesus to spend a reported 33 years of his life here with us providing an example for all of us to follow.

2 Corinthians 5:21   For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I think about the fact that one man’s actions delivered all of mankind into sin and one man’s sacrifice delivered all of us out of it.  And yes, that is pretty mind-blowing if you ask me.

Really?

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My sister, Tina, and I have our share of stories that we have sat around and laughed about over the years.  I’m sure all siblings have similar experiences that they look back at after a period of time and go “really? I can’t believe we did that!”. I will probably need to get her blessing before posting some of these in the event she wants editing privileges.  (okay, did that and there were only a couple of tales she asked that I not include.  Like not mentioning Orvan.  Just ’cause I love ya Teena Beena.)

I’m going to try and group these into categories which may make it easier for me to remember them.  I need all the help I can get these days.  Here goes:

There’s no way I’d ever let my kids do that!  We were raised by our grandparents and spent most of our childhood years growing up in what most would refer to as “the boonies”.  We were fortunate to have some really great neighbors (in about a 2 mile radius) who had kids that we could “hang out” with.   Hanging out meant:  Take a .410 shotgun and run thru the woods with friends to go to the creek and shoot craw dads…..we might be gone for hours on end while exploring a waterfall behind our house while we would fashion “survival gear” just in case we “didn’t make it home” (which was too funny looking back because most times we couldn’t have been more than a few hundred yards from our house).  Survival equipment included hidden stashes of our favorite things protected in ziploc bags placed in strategic locations so nobody could find them, except for us, of course.  We also used to collect water in those same type of bags and tie a string around the top and secure it to a young tree that would bend and position it in the cold water of the creek because you never knew when you might want a cold drink of water.  Hmmm…..hide water in the creek….so it would be cold…..okay, so we were critical thinkers even back then.  (wow)

In the wintertime, we would go sledding for hours on end and for anybody who is familiar with the area just between Omaha and Lead Hill (Arkansas, that is) you might have heard of Scotts Mountain which features the most stunning overlook you have ever seen of the beautiful Ozark Mountains.  Somewhere back in there, the absolute best sledding hills ever created to entertain children and adults alike reside.  These hills are phenomenal and while sometimes we look back as adults and think “that’s way smaller than what I remember” I can honestly say that those hills are every bit as impressive today as I recall back then.  So big, in fact, that one of our neighbors had a 4-wheel drive truck and used to provide transportation back up the hills so we wouldn’t have to walk them.  We would sled all the way out to the main highway (about 3 miles of hills) and then sled all the way back in.  It was awesome!  Sometimes we would go down to our neighbors who had three boys and sled down the hill by their house.  That is not so remarkable until you consider the fact that we would go under their mobile home trying not to hit the bracing underneath…they must have thought that was safe, right?  And it must have been because not once did the residence shake or fall over on us as we zoomed underneath and occasionally hit the stack of blocks supporting it.  (By the way, not sure what we would have done without the neighbors we had.  And I mean that sincerely….our childhood would have looked much different without them. God must have known we needed some recklessness in our lives.  They were great!!  Did I mention that already?)

Horrible stuff I did to my sister included the normal sibling pestering (I was younger by a couple years).  Common phrases heard throughout our home was “she’s touching me, she’s staring at me, she’s mocking me, she’s using my stuff, she broke it, she cut all my doll’s hair off, she chewed my Barbie’s toes off (sorry, Teen – yikes!), she poured Kool-aid in my Barbie case” and more that I’m sure I’ve mentally blocked out.  Our grandmother would put me in Tina’s care and would hold her responsible for me (totally a bad idea).  When we lived in Lead Hill when we were very young (10 and 8 maybe) we would wander up the hill to Pruitt’s Grocery (loved that store!) to spend our money on candy.  Those are the days that you could turn bottles in for a rebate and while we did occasionally have money which normally totaled less than a dollar, we would also come up from behind the store only to grab a 6-pack of bottles which were laying out back circle right around to the front door, walk-in and exchange those bottles for more change to spend.  Grandma Pruitt never batted an eye.  She had to know that those bottles just came from behind her store yet each time she would hand us the change to spend on her candy.  One of those shameful walks down memory lane that you have as an adult.  You’d think she would have just asked us to save time and steal the candy but maybe it was more fun to see how many times we thought we were pulling one over on her.  Grandma Pruitt, you had the last laugh because we now know what our children are capable of.

On those trips up and down the hill to the store which included walking up the highway for a short time, I would sometimes ask Tina to give me more of her candy.  When she refused, I would tell her that I would sit in the middle of the highway until a car came by to hit me and it would be her fault if I got hurt.  And I’m also ashamed to say that I did that on several occasions (sit in the road, I mean) until Tina gave me some of her candy.  I had a real mean sweet tooth (and streak) back then.  I have no idea how she put up with me.  Maybe that explains why she locked me in her closet on occasion.

Then I pulled the most cunning (and disgusting) prank ever on her.  You know how when your sister’s friends come over to spend the night and you really want to hang out with them and you show off the entire time so they’ll think you’re cool?  In reality, you’re being the pesty little sister who won’t leave them alone but you don’t know that.  Anywho, Grandma had made a hamburger casserole, the one with hamburger, rice, cream of mushroom soup and the little crunchy oriental noodles on top.  It must have been a special occasion because we were allowed to set the card table up in our bedroom and eat.  After we first got our plates, Tina had to run back up the hallway to the kitchen to get something and I thought how funny it would be for me to chew up Tina’s casserole and put it back on her plate before she got back.  Yep, the friend was right there with me watching and thought I was the funniest thing ever.  Especially when Tina came back none the wiser and proceeded to clean her plate.  I don’t think I told her that for a few years and could still hear her friend’s hysterical laughter in my ears.  I had scored the ultimate joke on my sister….I’m still waiting for her to come clean and tell me what gross thing she did to me along the way to get me back for that.

Funny but weird stuff that we did and never failed to get a laugh (at least from each other) included wearing .45 records on our ears.  You know, the small vinyl records with big holes in the center?  We would poke our ears through the holes and talk funny while making crazy faces.  I’m digging through old photos to see if we ever took a picture of that.  And we wanted our ears pierced so bad when we were really small that some kids that our grandmother used to be the housekeeper/nanny for had these little dot wax earrings that you could get hot and then stick them on  your earlobe.  I can remember it hurting a little bit but really didn’t care ’cause they looked cool.

Imaginary things that we believed in were not your normal stuff.  Okay, so most kids have an imaginary friend, right?  Well, we had a chick called “Bad Debbie” who we used to blame for everything we did wrong.  Somebody broke one of our Grandmother’s favorite glasses?  Had to be Bad Debbie.  Somebody put a spoon in the garbage disposal to see what it would look like when it came out?  Bad Debbie did it.  Somebody lit fireworks off the front porch which left black stuff all over the concrete? Absolutely Bad Debbie.

There was also our nemesis, our arch rival of all time, who insisted on following us everytime we got in a car (or were stuck in the back of our camper when we were traveling).  His name was Meanie the Minnow.  (don’t ask, I have no idea)  He was always in the car behind us and it was our civic duty to shoot at him with our guns made out of our thumb and index finger to keep him from overtaking us.  We occasionally saw him at the store hiding in the next aisle but mostly he liked to chase us in vehicles.  I can remember that rush of adreneline I always felt when Tina announced he was following us.  I bet Tina could loudly annouce even today that “Meanie the Minnow is behind us!” and I would turn and look.  Old habits die hard.

Describing our childhood to our kids is about the strangest thing ever.  There is no way they can believe or comprehend how different it was for us than what they are living today.  Not only is the technology so different, but the economic conditions that we grew up under as well.  Looking back, we didn’t realize that at the time we were what many would consider poor.  Or at least a family with a below average income.  We now know that our grandparents moved us out to “the boonies” to somewhat shield us from a family situation that had taken place in our very young lives.  Living in the middle of town with easy access to highways was not a good option for us as kids.  You never knew who might show up unexpectedly.  We wanted to believe that it was “the adventure of a lifetime” moving so far back in the sticks.  I also now wonder if Grandpa ever shared with the neighbors what our exact situation was so they could help watch over us.  If that was the case, the neighbors did a very good job of accepting us into their families and watching out for us as if we were their own.  There was not a meal they would not share, a car ride into a ballgame that they wouldn’t offer, or a sympathetic shoulder they wouldn’t make available when we felt our grandparents just didn’t understand us.  The kind of relationships that you will remember for a lifetime.  God must have known we needed those too.