Leadership – Neosporin style

For many years, I have shared with the teams I’ve had the honor of serving with that 90% of what I know today is due to learning the hard way.  I have tried to equate “trying and failing” as a necessary part of developing yourself with the knowledge that you keep a virtual tube of Neosporin handy to put on your bruised and sometimes bloody knees when you do fall down.  Most of the times, these lessons in life (and leadership) were the ones that stuck the longest and had the most impact on me as I encountered similar challenges later in life.  While some of my family members are a bit more private about the experiences in their life and rarely share specific examples of “fails” or “lessons learned” I am the exact opposite and have never had any issues with putting everything out there even when those things may not necessarily reflect very positively on me or my decision-making capabilities at the time.  My very wise Grandfather, mentioned in several of my earlier posts, used to say “not saying it out loud doesn’t make it not so” which I always thought was a great way to approach things from an accountability perspective.

I remember early in my career, one of the owners of the hotel company I worked for attended a seminar where a speaker by the name of Michael Leboeuf was presenting on a book he had written “How to Win Customers and Keep Them for Life”.  I don’t know what compelled our owner to secure extra copies of the book and bring them back to us but I can remember him giving me that book and the emotions that I experienced when I believed that he thought I was worth investing in and recognized me as an up and coming leader.  That gesture by somebody who was a seasoned and successful business person sent a deep and resounding message of expressed confidence to me that I will never forget. That one book began a waterfall of other books over the past 30 years and I took a valuable lesson from that very first gift I received so long ago.  I have purchased many books over my lifetime and can humbly share that I have given away many more than I’ve ever kept for myself.  Knowledge is not intended to be stored away or kept on a shelf.  It is meant to be shared, to be expressed in such a way that others can learn from it.  Even if the story is kind of icky or doesn’t always start off well for whoever is telling it.  And I can assure everyone that the majority of my stories and shared experiences had a place where I “fell down”, did things the wrong way and desperately needed that tube of Neosporin to put on my bloody knees.  Not some of my prouder moments, for sure, but they are the truth and not sharing those stories doesn’t mean they never happened.  They are more of a way to connect with other individuals I’ve had the opportunity to meet and work with along the way.  A common thread to help let them know that nobody’s perfect, we all have things in our background or in our lives that aren’t the most positive to share. That we all fall down.  But hopefully, that imperfection is an area of common ground that I can honestly say has created opportunities for me to establish relationships with people that have lasted my lifetime.

Several years ago, my sister Tina, put me on to a series of Leadership Podcasts by Andy Stanley of North Point Community Church out of Atlanta.  I can remember listening to them on my phone and thinking “where were these 20 years ago?”  I devoured every single podcast, listened to them over and over, and shared many of them with the teams at work.  In 2013, Andy brought a young leader on as a guest to a couple of the podcasts by the name of Clay Scroggins.  The reason Andy had invited Clay to join him was due to a principle or a series of belief that Clay had lived out as a part of serving on Andy’s team.  The title of the 2-part podcast series was “How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge”.  It was AMAZING!  Clay talked about leading yourself first before you could expect to be positioned for leadership.  He said that we should all focus on creating our own “oasis of excellence”.  To ask ourselves “how should I lead with the opportunity I have?”  He also said that “healthy leaders are continually developing and maturing.  They have an internal motivation to get better.”  And I thought, “Yes They Do!”  I listened to those podcasts multiple times over the past few years and was thrilled when they did a refresh on that topic a couple months ago AND announced that Clay had written a book on that very same material.  The release of “How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge” by Clay Scroggins was scheduled for August 22nd and I couldn’t wait!  When I saw that they were asking for anybody interested in helping to get the word out about the book, I put my name in the hat immediately.  Talk about getting behind something you deeply believe in…sign me up!  I received an advanced copy of the book which I devoured immediately and pre-ordered several copies to share with my team at work.  This book is one of the SINGLE most influential tools in growing and maturing Leaders for your business or organization. Clay’s book speaks to personal accountability, a hunger for always learning and growing, servant leadership, how to be faithful with what we’ve been given.  The material presented in the book will resonate with both the young and the seasoned leader.  His communication and writing-style is an easy read and the authenticity with which he conveys experiences from his own life was not only heart-warming but speaks to leadership principles that have rarely been communicated in such a straight-forward way.

If you have an opportunity to secure a copy of Clay’s book, buy more than one.  You are bound to want to share it with other people in your life.  I can speak from experience when I say that it will be one of the best gifts you will ever give.  To show people you are connected to that you are also still learning and growing, that you have confidence in them as a leader, that they are worth investing in.  Thank you, Tom Schaefer, for giving me my very first book.  I will never forget it.  Thank you, Andy Stanley, for making Leadership a part of your ministry.  And most of all, thank you, Clay Scroggins, for stepping out there and writing what I know will be a Leadership Book for all time.  A must read.  A book with life-altering principles for ALL leaders.

Stephanie Johnson IS Solution Focused

I referenced a site about a year ago that I ran across which really resonated with me.  It belongs to Stephanie Johnson and can be found at SolutionFocusedCounselling.com. Below is an excerpt from some of her information and I have taken the liberty of adding a period or numbering the list due to some formatting issues on my end when I copied and pasted it.  (Stephanie, I hope you will forgive me!)  It is also very meaningful to me that Stephanie is a Believer and follows some fundamental teachings laid out by the guidance provided by our Heavenly Father.  From Stephanie’s book:

Basic assumptions about people and problems

The following are some of the assumptions and principles of solution focused framework which was influenced by Milton Erickson and the MRI team.

1. People operate out of their internal maps and not out of sensory experience.

2. People make the best choice for themselves at any given moment.

3. The explanation, theory, or metaphor used to relate facts about a person is not the person.

4. Respect all messages from the client.

5. Teach choice; never attempt to take choice away.

6. The resources the client needs lie within his or her own personal history.

7. Meet the client at his or her model of the world.

8. The person with the most flexibility or choice will be the controlling element in the system.

9. A person can’t not communicate.

10. If it’s hard work, reduce it down.

11. Outcomes are determined at the psychological level. (Lankton and Lankton, 1983)

12. Do not need to know the cause of the problem in order to find solutions. (Love This!)

13. Client is the expert in their own life.

14. People become problem saturated and lose their problem solving abilities.

15. People have strengths and resources within themselves to find solutions.

16.  We do not need to go back to the past in order to influence the future.

17.  The problem is the problem, the person is not the problem.

18. Change is inevitable. Small change leads to larger change.

19.  Problems continue when you apply the wrong solution.

20.  People in general are doing the best that they can.

21.  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it doesn’t work, try something different.

22.  Once you know what works, do more of it, (Cade, 2007)

The above are the assumptions about people and problems. In some respects it at first appears a simple formula, however the art in solution focused is the timing of interventions and techniques such as the miracle question, and for the counsellor not to get caught up in the problem talk, but move the conversation towards solution focused talk. I don’t know about you, but when I came across these principles it was very liberating as a counsellor to feel that I am not the expert in the client’s life, but a bystander and a facilitator. I found this exciting.

The client is the expert in their own life and we facilitate the process. Solution focused is at the opposite spectrum to psychoanalysis. Solution focused believes that you do not need to go back to childhood or hunt for the root cause of the problem in order to facilitate change. For some clients this is reassuring. Some clients find solution focused to be empowering and hopeful.

In 15 years of experiencing solution focused talk, the word HOPE comes to mind. Having said that solution focused does not have to go back to childhood to find the root cause of this problem is true, however as solution focused is client directed, if the client feels that it is necessary then the  therapist will go there. However if the client is looking for analysis and treatment, then they have the wrong therapist.

In my practice I start where the client is at. I used whatever is useful to the client to facilitate change, as this is what it is all about, CHANGE.

What to know more? See Stephanie Johnson’s E-book, available here  on line at Solution focused counselling.com, called Solution focused counselling…Keeping it Real, The art of  helpful conversations. Only $14.99 Aud.

References:

Cade, B. W. (2007) Springs, Streams and Tributaries: A History of The Brief, Solution-focused Approach. In F. N. Thomas & T. Nelson (Eds) Clinical Applications of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. New York: The Haworth Press.

Lankton, S. and Lankton, C. (1983) The Answer Within: A Clinical Framework of Ericksonian Hypnotherapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel.

My Favorite – An Angel’s Story

One of my all-time favorite stories is the one below, An Angel’s Story, by Max Lucado.  He presents one of the most moving accounts of God’s grace and love for all of us. Below is only an excerpt, the very beginning of the story.  I would encourage all who can to read the story in its entirety.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

An Angel’s Story (Christmas)

by Max Lucado

“Gabriel.” Just the sound of my King’s voice stirred my heart. I left my post at the entryway and stepped into the throne room. To my left was the desk on which sat the Book of Life. Ahead of me was the throne of Almighty God. I entered the circle of unceasing Light, folded my wings before me to cover my face, and knelt before Him. “Yes, my Lord?”

“You have served the kingdom well. You are a noble messenger. Never have you flinched in duty. Never have you flagged in zeal.”

I bowed my head, basking in the words. “Whatever You ask, I’ll do a thousand times over, my King,” I promised.

“Of that, I have no doubt, dear messenger.” His voice assumed a solemnity I’d never heard Him use. “But your greatest work lies ahead of you. Your next assignment is to carry a gift to Earth. Behold.”

I lifted my eyes to see a necklace—a clear vial on a golden chain—dangling from His extended hand.

My Father spoke earnestly, “Though empty, this vial will soon contain My greatest gift.” …Handing me the necklace, He explained, “This vial will contain the essence of Myself; a Seed to be placed in the womb of a young girl. Her name is Mary. She lives among My chosen people. The fruit of the Seed is the Son of God. Take it to her.”

“But how will I know her?” I asked.

“Don’t worry. You will.”

I could not comprehend God’s plan, but my understanding was not essential. My obedience was. I lowered my head, and He draped the chain around my neck. Amazingly, the vial was no longer empty. It glowed with Light. “Jesus. Tell her to call My Son Jesus.”

The Father whispered to me. I heard Him as if at my side. “Go, Gabriel: go and tell Mary.”

On a wave of worship I flew, this time alone. I circled through the clouds and over the ground. Below me was the city where Mary was born. The Father was right; I knew her in an instant. Her heart had no shadow. Her soul was as pure as any I’ve seen.

I made the final descent. “Mary.” I kept my voice low so as not to startle her.

She turned but saw nothing. Then I realized I was invisible to her. I waved my wings before my body and incarnated. She covered her face at the Light and shrank into the protection of the doorway.

“Don’t be afraid,” I urged.

The minute I spoke, she looked up toward the sky. Again I was amazed.

I praised my Father for His wisdom. Her heart is so flawless, so willing. “Greetings. God be with you.”

Her eyes widened, and she turned as if to run. “Mary, you have nothing to fear. You have found favor with God. You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call His name Jesus. He will be great. He will be called the Son of the Highest. The Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; He will rule Jacob’s house forever—no end, ever, to His kingdom.”

Though she was listening, she was puzzled. “But how? I’ve never slept with a man.”

Before I spoke I looked up into the heavens. The Father was standing, giving me His blessing.

I continued, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, the power of the Highest hover over you; therefore, the child you bring to birth will be called Holy, Son of God. Nothing, you see, is impossible with God.”

Mary looked at me, then up into the sky. For a long time she gazed into the blueness, so long that I, too, looked up. Did she see the angels? Did the heavens open? I do not know. But I do know when I looked back at her, she was smiling.

“Yes, I see it all now: I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.”

As she spoke, a Light appeared in her womb.

The King walked over and reached for the book. He turned it toward Lucifer and commanded, “Come, Deceiver, read the name of the One who will call your bluff. Read the name of the One who will storm your gates.” Satan rose slowly off his haunches. Like a wary wolf, he walked a wide circle toward the desk until he stood before the volume and read the word:

“Immanuel?” he muttered to himself, then spoke in a tone of disbelief. “God with us?” For the first time the hooded head turned squarely toward the face of the Father. “No. Not even You would do that. Not even You would go so far.”

“You’ve never believed me, Satan.”

“But Immanuel? The plan is bizarre! You don’t know what it’s like on Earth! You don’t know how dark I’ve made it. It’s putrid. It’s evil. It’s…”

“IT IS MINE,” proclaimed the King. “AND I WILL RECLAIM WHAT IS MINE. I WILL BECOME FLESH. I WILL FEEL WHAT MY CREATURES FEEL. I WILL SEE WHAT THEY SEE.”

“But what of their sin?”

“I will bring mercy.”

“What of their death?”

“I will give life.”

Satan stood speechless.

God spoke, “I love my children. Love does not take away the beloved’s freedom. But love takes away fear. And Immanuel will leave behind a tribe of fearless children. They will not fear you or your hell.”

Satan stepped back at the thought. His retort was childish. “Th-th-they will too!”

“I will take away all sin. I will take away death. Without sin and without death, you have no power.”

Around and around in a circle Satan paced, clenching and unclenching his wiry fingers. When he finally stopped, he asked a question that even I was thinking. “Why? Why would You do this?”

The Father’s voice was deep and soft. “Because I love them.”

We were a wreath of Light around the stable, a necklace of diamonds around the structure. Every angel had been called from his post for the coming, even Michael. None doubted God would, but no know how He could, fulfill his promise.

I’ve heated the water!”

“No need to yell, Joseph I hear you fine.”

Mary would have heard had Joseph whispered. The stable was even smaller than Joseph had imagined but the innkeeper was right- it was clean. I started to clear out the sheep and cow, but Michael stopped me. “The Father wants all of creation to witness the moment.”

Mary cried out and gripped Joseph’s arm with one hand and a feed trough with the other. The thrust in her abdomen lifted her back, and she leaned forward.

“Is it time?” Joseph asked.

She shot back a glance, and he had his answer.

Within moments the Awaited One was born. I was privileged to have a position close to the couple, only a step behind Michael. We both gazed into the wrinkled face of the infant. Joseph had placed hay in a feed trough, giving Jesus his first bed.

All of God was in the infant. Light encircled His face and radiated from His tiny hands. The very glory I had witnessed in His throne room now burst through His skin.

I felt we should sing but did not know what. We had no song. We had no verse. We had never seen the sight of God in a baby. When God had made a star, our words had roared. When He had delivered His servants, our tongues had flown with praise. Before His throne, our songs never ended. But what do you sing to God in a feed trough?

In that moment a wonderful thing happened. As we looked at the baby Jesus, the darkness lifted. Not the darkness of the night, but the darkness of the mystery. Heaven’s enlightenment engulfed the legions.

Our minds were filled with the Truth we had never before known. We became aware for the first time of the Father’s plan to rescue those who bear His name.

These passages excerpted from: AN ANGEL’S STORY © Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2002, 2004 Max Lucado

Living Space

One of the more interesting books that I have read over the years is C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters and talk about thought provoking (and driving you a little crazy all at the same time)!  It really helps demonstrate how easily we are manipulated through the course of our regular daily routines and how much more effort we should be putting on “keeping the main thing the main thing” which is to love God with all our heart and ask him on a regular basis to keep the distractions at bay.  Here is a link to check out just a few quotes from this timeless book.

Pastor John Lindell from James River Assembly recently used the following quote in one of his messages and I thought it was awesome.  It appears this particular story is a very popular quote from Mr. Lewis’ writings as when I looked for it on the internet, it was all over the place.

C.S. Lewis

      “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

―    C.S. Lewis,    Mere Christianity

I often talk about how uncomfortable it is when we challenge ourselves to be open to change.  And they always say that you remember the really good times in your life….and the very bad.  I also have talked about how most life lessons I had to learn the hard way.  I think when we’re young we only see life through our own lense and the perspective is just that, it’s only our perspective.  I remember many, many times that I was on the receiving end of a really tough life lesson.  One that I had to swallow every ounce of pride I had and wade through it….or my option was to turn around and go back the other way because I gave up.  And I can tell you, I didn’t turn around very often.

I shared the story the other day about a time a few years ago when I was serving as a General Manager at a hotel and had a local college student ask if they could do an interview with me to get my opinion on the one characteristic that I felt was most important in being a leader.  I told them that I thought the one trait that truly held the key to success was humility.  I shared several examples of why I believed that to be so, what I didn’t have time to convey to them was that I felt that way because I had lived it first hand.  I told them that humility means being coachable, being willing to learn.  Humility helps keep your mind and spirit eager, open to hearing new and different things primarily because people will share more of their view of the world if they know you are open to receive that.  How many people in leadership roles have we all known who are so closed off from others around them that their management style is one-sided, doesn’t really grow in depth over time and almost feels abusive?  I have worked for several of those during the course of my career.  And took an oath that I never wanted that to be me.  That is not saying that I am not opinionated or passionate about the things I believe in.  It is to say that I try very hard to appreciate everyone’s perspective knowing at the end of the day that I will filter through all that and come to the best conclusion I can using all the information at hand.

If God shows up and wants to knock down some walls to help my “living space” look more like a palace then I had better be sure to be ready and open to receive that.