I know I’ve mentioned before that my Grandfather was a very wise man.  I was talking once with my Uncle Roger about them spending time together and what a great listener Grandpa was.  We were both reminiscing and then laughed together because sometimes it was what Grandpa DIDN’T say that made you think the most about something.  I took every opportunity to pour my gullible young heart out to him always looking for him to help me make sense of all the tumultuous thoughts that plague an adolescent perspective.  And I can’t remember him ever telling me what exactly to do.  What I do remember is him always asking the simplest questions which were followed up by “what do you think you should do” and then he would help me work through that thought process.  Many times what I thought should be the solution was really just a way for me to talk through something that had no foothold in anything remotely resembling patient and kind.  My Grandpa had a way of drawing those things out of you without you even realizing what he was up to.

I can remember that feeling of anxiety when I had something very important to tell him…it was burning a hole in my heart but I had learned to hold onto that until the right moment presented itself.  I wanted his full attention and knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would always grant me that.  It’s funny because the thought never crossed my mind whether he would make time for me or be willing to listen to what was on my heart and mind.  I just always knew he would be there.

I also find it interesting that I had a much different relationship with our Grandmother.  I can remember some of the conversations with her and how hard I think she tried to understand where Tina and I were coming from.  In hindsight I think she struggled to keep an open mind about things and I don’t know if this stemmed from her own upbringing, losing a daughter (our mom) or maybe simply a generation gap between us although I never felt that way about our Grandfather.  What I do know is that where Grandma would jump in the middle of your situation and tell you exactly what she thought you should do and you knew it would go badly if you didn’t choose that route, Grandpa was the exact opposite.  I don’t know that I ever heard “I told you so” come out of his mouth.  I did hear him say “so how did that feel” once or twice but it always felt like there was love and concern behind that….like he didn’t want us to forget a certain feeling because it just might help us make better decisions going forward.

My husband has often asked me over our life together (26 years in January – 23 of those married) if I have anything in my past I would change.  While hindsight is definitely full of all kinds of insight, I always tell him that I wish I had handled a few things differently but wouldn’t necessarily change them.  I honestly feel that if I had changed even one thing, I may not be where I’m at today and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.  I think I’ve watched too many movies having to do with a person being given a chance to go back and relive or redo their past and they always regret that it changes where they are in the future (Mr. Destiny with Jim Belushi for example).  My Grandfather always told us that each of us should try and make the best decisions we can at the time using the information we have.  While it is up to us to be the best gatherers of information we can, he also told us stories of people who’s lives were filled with regret and second-guessing every area of their life until they were consumed with it.  Life held no other purpose for them except to reflect on all the mistakes that had been made along the way.  Out of all the things I learned from him, that was one of the life lessons I really took to heart.  I do not want that to be me.

So, when I find myself wanting to repeat things over and over to our children hoping that maybe if I say it differently (or louder) than I did before it will increase the chance they will hear me this time, I remember my Grandfather’s wisdom of dropping those simple words of thought-provoking questions and remain quiet trusting that we have pretty smart kids who will probably end up figuring things out on their own kind of like we did.